heat stroke
in the worst week of my life
now 2 years ago
a part of me died forever
my history froze
couldnt talk about it
until this year
and even as i write
im trying to placate the fear
anyways
we drove up to the golden land
of burnt grass and reservoirs
away from the beaches and
the ghosts of los angeles stars
got to see real ones in the sky
we coasted up the drive
music blasting and my pulse
was ablaze and on fire
didnt sleep the whole night
arrived to a cabin at 2 in the morning
as we got to know each other
i should have taken heed of the warnings
watching the sun rise
and your breathing fall and rise
the king bed and the sheets
the wallpaper, pinstriped
a car ride at 9
u took 45
minutes to get there
as we lost track of time
eyes reflecting the red lights
of cars and the stop signs
a hand on your arm
the other holding up a map
a few drinks at 10
the world started to blur by 11
in that flourscent kitchen
and i heard you say love for the first time
didnt know what it meant
and i laughed easily
but the scene changed rapidly as i
laid on the counter, the stove was still on
and i stood in the shower
with my clothes on the tiles
white lines green eyes
low voices droning in the back
couldnt focus or keep track
of the things that transgressed
just a dream, forgot the rest
the room turned to snow when i later felt the absence
and a heatstroke came over me
it pounded in my ears as the shaking commenced
the burning of my skin sent a flash of cold ice
the chemical imbalance set my heart into overdrive
called out a name but no body answered
so i lay in the sheets with my face in a pillow
sobbing the hardest since the first weep
held beneath the trees of willow
i thought no one else could feel this
the etching agony in my skull
and from that moment on
its been days of summer’s push and pull
out of body, deralization
total paralyzation, dispersonalization
tears freezing over
a porcelain statue of a girl
with a heatstroke and no one could see
until after her skin burned
so i collapsed and washed into the sea