in another universe
in another universe
my childhood dog still follows me around and the tang of cold lemonade lingers on my tongue
suddenly it’s december and you’re not seventeen anymore. and you haven’t been seventeen for a very long time, but sometimes you need to remind yourself.
in another universe,
the friend you miss comes home for good. you never see another mirror. it’s summer forever and that terrible thought you keep having finally disappears.
in this universe,
it’s summer again and you’re falling into old habits like it was yesterday. you stay up late and avoid your bed. restlessness rips through your body and you want to do something, but there is nothing to do. all you want is to have someone to love, but there is no one to love. you keep telling yourself that this year, this year it will be different. but it won’t. and you will not change. the summer will pass, like every other summer. and all it will leave is tears and the feeling of what could have been.
in this universe,
when i cant sleep at night - i stare at the empty side of my bed, and wonder about the things i would tell you, if you were laying next to me.
i hope you know even though i didn’t tell you.
in this universe,
in the evening my griefs come to haunt me one by one. they tell me what i had hoped to forget. they perch on my shoulders like mourning doves. they are the color of light fading.
i hope i don’t remind you of anyone else.
in this universe,
sometimes when i lie awake at night, i wonder whether i’ve lived at all. is it the same for everybody? do some people have a greater talent for living than others or do some people never live, but just exist?
maybe in another life,
i’ll be the one you choose.
i would choose you in every lifetime.
some day,
i will sail away from all the shame i carry.
in this life,
i guess i did love you. well, of course i loved you
in this life,
i don’t want to hate anymore
i’m so tired
why was i not enough for u
some days,
it’s okay that you hurt me.
some days,
i know you needed my love more than anyone else.
in this universe,
i still remember our old conversation
it’s almost may. i miss you.
at least for a few moments, i felt loved!
in this universe,
i sit around wondering what you do each day.
please tell me about it one last time.
i’m so tired of begging for your love when you clearly have none left for me.
i have always, essentially, been waiting. waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person i always thought i was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life i thought i would have. in my head, i was always one step away.
the light begins to intensify so does my misery. and i wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong.
i look for you in everything and everyone. i’ll never stop looking.
in this universe
i wish there was still hope for us.
in this universe
i’m sorry to be what i am
in this universe
i am mourning
i will mourn
my past life
and my past self
for as long as i need, for as long as it takes.
there was nothing i could have done to prevent you from leaving, and it eats me up inside.
in this universe
i carry around the burden of my past
i’m reminded daily of how heavy it’s getting.