promise

called me in march

i was waiting, waiting for you

you hurt me worse than before

at least the physical pain will subdue

back in the hospital, under fluorescent lights

they made me wait hours, all thoughts on you

how i’d promised myself i would do it again

just to feel your body anew

they told me i shouldnt have gone back

said i was in danger unto myself

said i couldnt keep my body intact

for much longer, and i thought, “good.”

id sacrifice myself again

‘till time and meds wont fix me

they’d think that i was selfless for you

but really, you’ve been doing me a favor

not that i’d say it out loud

not to convey my suffering

not that i’d ever go back to the clinic

i’d choke up until there was no longer evidence

i want the bruises, i hopelessly do

i hope the sirens sound again

knowing my wish came true

they think that i’m dramatic

overly ecstatic

but the trade off will be worth it

i’m asking every higher power,

come back, please, please, please.